


EPM (Emotions Per Minute)

by ultimatebara



Series: How to be a Human Being [3]
Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bissexuality, M/M, Moms that love their children, being in love is physically painful, so many smiles so much joy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 15:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13860642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultimatebara/pseuds/ultimatebara
Summary: Talking to one another, with combusting hearts surrounded by undone flowers, made their throats clog. Joy, pure joy, was something difficult to swallow, to understand it was going down your throat and spreading to the rest of your body.It gives a gidiness, an energy, an infinite feeling of courage and awkwardness.Did happiness ever taste this foamy?





	EPM (Emotions Per Minute)

**Author's Note:**

> having a crush is physically painful and i hate when that happens to me

 

_And so it goes_ _| A choking rose back | To be reborn | I want to hold you like you're mine_

Those breathless days, with the shadows of red bougainvillea in front of an open window. The humming voice along of a calming song and fingers between strands of hair.

The calmness, almost the illusion of stillness time, sealed the moment. The harmony of existence and joy found in the words as they ascended to between the leaves.

The dizziness, which triggered their youth into what it was meant to be.

//

_> good morning, Achilles! i cant go out today, sorry. my mom’s allergy acted up and we had to go with her to the hospital. We can go out other day!_

_> Sorry again_

Achilles read the message and sighed, resting his head on the pillow again and looked at the ceiling.

The day before, he got home and met his mother having breakfast. He sat at the table and she got him a cup of tea.

“I received your message.” She began and he looked at her “Just… Call me before staying out all night. I got worried.”

Achilles nodded and took a sip of his tea, eyes lowered to the table. Thetis reached his hair and passed a strand to behind his ear.

“Are those Odysseus?” she motioned to his clothes and he glanced at her, before nodding “You’re so quiet, Achilles.”

“I’m just tired.” He put a hand over his face and sighed, “I’ll sleep now. Is it okay?”

“Yes.”

He went to his room, leaving the hot tea cooling on the table, and passed out on his bed. Saturday passed by as a flash but as slow as it could be.

Achilles stayed on his bed most of the day, checking social media and answering the flood of messages. His _friends_ sending him videos or just photos of the live Clytemnestra did during the party. Most of them teased him for looking so stunned by the other boy that appeared on the kitchen. He just answered with laughs or embarrassed emojis, not really wanting to engage in a conversation.

He wanted to answer that _yes_ , he found Patroclus stunning and so what? But he knew they were only teasing him for never showing real interest on anyone. When he and Deidamia went out, it was more because of his mother and she pushing him to go out with the girl, the daughter of one of her friends.

Menelaus came to his mind and he sighed. They went out during a week, but ended up more on the friend side. Deidamia was dashing and had a strong personality and he noticed, if they ended up together, they could be an amazing couple. But, he also noticed, that he couldn’t look at her with those eyes even after the one time they slept together, but mostly because of Deidamia’s persistence.

The thought made him roll on his bed and groan against the pillow.

He looked again at the phone and read the convo all over again. He woke up for lunch with his mother calling for him.

“I know you’re tired, but eat something before going back to sleep.”

During lunch – his mother didn’t had the best cooking skills, but he would never trade her risotto for anything else – he sent Patroclus a few texts. He would deny if someone said he wrote and erased as many times as he could count until he could send the perfect, non-desperate text.

He wanted to help his mother to tide up the kitchen, but she refused and he went back to his soft bed, almost forgetting about the unanswered texts. Until his phone vibrated under the pillow.

Achilles supported his body on his elbows and looked at his phone, feeling his heart beating fast. When he put the phone down, his cheeks hurt from the splitting smile.

He didn’t understood what he had going on inside his chest. His body knew what he wanted even if he wasn’t sure what that was. The only thing he was certain was that he could have Patroclus’ attention for a couple hours and get to know him.

That exploding feeling went downhill and hit a brick wall when he received that text, Sunday morning.

Of course, he wasn’t about to sulk over Patroclus taking care of his mother, but he felt deflated.

He looked at the phone again and tried to be happy over the idea of Patroclus wanting to meet another day.

_> >ok! i hope your mom is all right! we talk later about the date!_

A few minutes after responding he felt like dying for calling it a date.

 

Achilles was on the sofa, deciding on what he and his mother would watch on Netflix, while she popped some popcorn for them.

She sat on the other side of the couch and he grunted, offering her the controller.

“I can’t find anything good. Choose.” They trade popcorn for controller and she began the search while her son grabbed his phone.

“Achilles, I have to ask you something.” He looked up from the device. A cold chill went down his spine, a kind of chill proportioned only by mothers saying they needed to ask their children something “Why did you broke up with Deidamia?”

Achilles looked at his mother and tilted his head, processing the thought. He could answer any question of any kind thrown at him by reporters, but his mother could hit the headpin with dexterity.

“We didn’t match.” He tried and Thetis gave him a single nod as she kept her eyes on the screen. It had been months since he and Deidamia finished whatever they had during that week, and now his mother asked him that “Why?” his hesitation didn’t show in his voice, but his body was tense.

Thetis crossed her arms and sighed. Achilles saw the faint wrinkles on her face, noticed the sun freckles that showered her face. Thetis had grown up in a coastal city and spent most days on the beach, swimming and surfing. Those exuberant days under the sun gave Thetis beautiful marks on her skin.

“Your father called me last night because of something on your Instagram.” She began and Achilles frowned, but realization hit him in the forehead. Clytemnestra’s live.

“Mom, you know how dad is.” He put his phone aside and sat up, crossing his legs “Don’t listen to him.”

“I don’t.” she answered fast and Achilles had to raise his eyes to look at the woman beside him. He didn’t see anything but affection on her eyes.

They stared at each other for a while. Thetis knew her son was gathering up courage, she could see him struggling to say something. Eyes locked on hers and stiff shoulders was Achilles’ way of resistance.

“You don’t mind?” he asked in a small voice even if his chest was puffed up.

She chuckled, remembering when he was a kid and would stand firm on his little feet as the tear-rimmed eyes looked at the adults who scolded him.

“You’re my son, Achilles.” She gave him a smile “You’ll always be.”

The blonde scooted over to her side and hugged her waist, resting his head on her shoulder.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling.” He confessed in a whisper, his body seeming so much smaller.

She hugged him and passed his hair to behind his ear. She remembered the weight of his little body on her arms; how he pulled on her ear when sleeping against her shoulder.

“You have many years ahead of you to sort those feelings.” She reassured him “Just live for now, Achilles. Allow yourself.”

Achilles put his legs over his mother’s lap and she chuckled, caressing his golden hair.

“My son.”

 

//

 

At the hospital, Creusa was on a comfortable armchair, drinking a cup of tea as Phoenix sat by her side doing crosswords.

“A nurse said we’ll be good to go in a few minutes.” He stopped near the chair and crossed his arms, looking at his mother “How you’re feeling?”

“Just a bit tired now, Pat.” She looked at him and motioned for him to sit by her side. Patroclus sat on chair’s arm and leaned, letting a small kiss on her forehead.

Creusa had chemical allergy and couldn’t come in contact to many products. That morning, she was at the supermarket and a couple of kids pushed each other on the stand of washing powder, crashing it. A few boxes opened and Creusa was near enough to be affected.

She went home immediately and, from there, the three of them went to the hospital.

“I’m so sorry, I ruined your date, Pat.”

Patroclus looked at her in disbelief and passed an arm around her shoulders, shaking his head.

“Don’t speak nonsense, mom. You’re my mother, you’re more important.” He kissed the top of her head and hugged her shoulders, receiving a light squeeze in his arm “And I’ve sent him a text. He said we can go out another day. Don’t worry.”

She gave him a soft smile and he rested his head on hers for a while, relaxing. The place’s sterile smell mixed with the faint one from Creusa’s cup of tea as they waited for her to get clearance to go home.

At home, Creusa went to the couch and kept busy reading one of her books as Patroclus and Phoenix made lunch. Sunday passed, as any Sunday would go: lazy and inside the house with nothing to do.

Patroclus stayed with his parents on the living room, watching a program of questions and answers, exchanging texts with Briseis and, sometimes, even with Achilles.

The other boy seemed shy and took a while to answer Patroclus, amusing him. He thought, if shyness was the case, it was a cute trait of the other’s personality. He spent some time going through the other’s social media and noticed the many fans he had and saw the beautiful photos he had in his accounts.

The idea of befriending someone so exquisite, so different than the usual people he’d met baffled Patroclus. Was he really that interesting to catch the attention of someone like Achilles?

Sunday night, they both decided on trying to go out on Wednesday.

Patroclus had a million things going through his head. From what he would wear to where they would go and if he would need to take something with him.

Achilles was sitting on his bed, looking at his phone with a smile and a combusting heart beating inside his chest.

 

//

 

Patroclus smiled at the camera, taking a selfie to send to Briseis, as he waited for Achilles to arrive. He chuckled when Briseis answered the photo with a flood of heart emojis and her telling how cute he looked. He put the phone down and looked around, resting his chin on his hand, listening to the soft music playing on the burger place.

He looked outside and saw the dark sky with few grey clouds. Just outside the place, there were beautiful flowers in a variety of colours that caught anyone passer-by’s eye. The beginning of April was one of Patroclus’ favourite seasons. Spring had already settled all over the place and every colour looked to be the right brightness as the bees flied over and terrified people.

The brunette let a chuckle escape as he thought about people screaming in fear of being stung by bumblebees when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned his head and smiled as he saw Achilles.

The blonde had his hair loose, pooling on his shoulders, descending like cascades of gold and framed his face, giving him an almost feminine look. Achilles smiled and sat across Patroclus, taking off his jean jacket in the process.

“Good night, Patroclus.” His voice sounded warm with contained energy.

“Good night, Achilles.” He chuckled and tilted his head a bit, looking at the blonde with curiosity. His eyes fell on the other’s nose and he chuckled again.

Achilles smiled nervously, feeling his heart beating fast in his chest. His mother had helped him clear the early evening appointments, so he could get home and prepare for the date. The way she supported Achilles on that new path had the blonde feeling confident, but nevertheless ready to whatever would happen.

He bit his lower lip and touched the table top, reaching for the paper menu and Patroclus tilted his head, looking at the blonde.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked in a calm voice, putting his fist under his chin. Achilles looked up for a second and then at the menu, nodding.

“It was a bit hot, but not uncomfortable.” he put a hand on his forehead and tried actually to read the words in front of him. His nervousness was coming out as rudeness. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, deciding for whatever simpler coffee there was and a small biscuit as he lifted his head to look at the brunette “And you?”

“I went to bed at almost 2 a.m.” he chuckled “I was reading a book.” Achilles’ eyebrows shot up.

“I usually go to bed that time because of Netflix.” he made Patroclus chuckle again and smiled in response “What were you reading?”

“ _Between_ _People and Stars._ ” He looked at the table without moving his head and scratched the wood. He looked at the other again and smiled “Did you decide what you’ll have?”

Achilles glanced at the menu again and back to Patroclus, stumbling on his words and showed the other what he wanted.

“I’ve never came here…” he chuckled and glanced in the cashier direction “How do we order?”

The blonde looked at the table and pointed to a small button on top of it, near the napkins. He pressed it and a waiter came within few minutes. They ordered and she was gone to the back of the place. Achilles looked at Patroclus and chuckled, as the other was fixated on the button.

“This is amazing…?”

“Tell me about the book you’re reading.” He asked and Patroclus looked at him again.

“Spoiler free or no?”

“Spoiler free.”

“Well… It’s about an alcoholic woman and the trials she goes through to see the harm drinking brought to her life.” He explained and Achilles nodded “There’s a part which she goes to a lake and just looks around. There’s no sound and she just sits there, looking at the water. It’s worded so beautifully that, I swear, I teared up.” He chuckled, embarrassed and Achilles smiled.

Listening to Patroclus talk about the book he was reading and to know what the story made him feel, made Achilles’ chest warm up as he felt closer to the other.

They talked around burgers and soda. Achilles couldn’t stop the staring he did to Patroclus’ words as the warmth of the event filled his senses.

Patroclus could only notice how the other’s eyes had golden sparkles in them while he supressed the urge to touch Achilles’ face with his lips.

 

He wanted to stop talking, wanted to stop embarrassing himself. His tongue was too fast to catch up with his brain that screamed for him to stop telling weird stories of his childhood. However, Patroclus laughter was the green light his heart needed to go on.

“I can’t believe you did that! Your mother must’ve been so angry.” He exclaimed and put his hands over his face, hiding his smile.

Achilles nodded and crossed his legs on the grass, throwing his head back.

“I hid inside my wardrobe thinking she would kill me!” he put his fits against his temples and Patroclus laid on the grass “She hid her make up for so long after that. Ugh… I gave her a new lipstick after that, but she never forgave and never forgot.” He joked and Patroclus pushed his shoulders, controlling his laughter.

The wind was warm against their cheeks and Achilles tried to keep his heart rate down, as the other was so close to him.

After they finished eating, a walk around the main park seemed nice. Both boys chuckled as they rounded the square twice and decided on walk to a more wooded area. A few blocks down they sat under a big tree, laying on the grass as Achilles thoroughly embarrassed himself.

Carnival had passed, but some trees on the square still had the bright, colourful decorations.

“And what about now?” Patroclus asked, undoing one of the papier-mâché flowers that fell from the tree.

The question caught him off guard. He looked at the other and arched an eyebrow.

“Do you use make up now?” Patroclus tried and Achilles blinked a few times, decided on leaning down on his elbow to be eyelevel with the other boy.

“Well… When working, they put make up on us, so it isn’t something I’m opposed to.” He begin and Patroclus knew he had to wait “But I don’t use it much outside work.”

He imagine Achilles with red eyeshadows, pink lipstick with glassy gloss on top and golden cheekbones. He thought if Achilles would use red lipstick and supressed the idea of being kissed by ruby lips.

Patroclus nodded and looked at the flower between his fingers. He looked at Achilles and laid on his side, putting the flower between them and wetted his lips with his tongue.

He looked at the other’s eyes and noticed the faint freckles around his nose, remembering the other mention about his swimming habits. Patroclus smiled, observing the golden strands fall on his cheek and decided on put them back by placing the flower on Achilles’ ear.

He giggled when the red took over the other’s feature, but was left speechless when the other moved quickly and stole a kiss from him.

Patroclus’ eyes widened and Achilles sat up, hugging his knees as he turned his face to the other side.

He couldn’t help kissing Patroclus! He was so cute when he began to _giggle_ that Achilles acted on impulse – just like the dozen times he did on the day they met. It seemed to be his lot in life to embarrass himself in front of cute boys.

Patroclus sat up and put his hands between his thighs as his eyes lowered to his feet. His heart was beating so fast he was actually in pain. The sensation, a soft sensation of the other’s lips, still lingered against his flesh. He took a deep breath and glanced at the blonde. Another flower fell from the tree and Patroclus hesitated to touch Achilles’ shoulder.

“Chilles?” he tried and the other’s ears were beat red. Patroclus’ lips stretched in a smile he couldn’t hold back and he squeezed Achilles’ shoulder, daring to caress his neck with the back of a finger.

He saw the visible shudder that caused on the other and he turned his head sharply at him, lips stretched in a thin line. Patroclus smiled, hesitantly shy and touched Achilles’ cheek, leaning in and let a kiss on his lips, lingering a bit longer so the feeling could settle on each mouth.

Achilles spent the week thinking ‘what if other people see me with him?’, ‘what if I lose a contract because some homophobic idiot saw me with Patroclus?’, ‘would my mom really support me if I took a boyfriend home?’. He went out of the house with doubts storming his head, making him dizzy.

He would go home with a clear conscious, because kissing Patroclus felt like the rightest thing he’d ever done.

He closed his eyes and pressed against the other’s lips, relaxing. He was aware they were in a public space, but under the fallen papier-mâché flowers, with his heart dancing inside his chest and Patroclus’ touch on his cheek, he decided that nothing could ruin that moment.

They separated and Achilles was the first to chuckle. Their chuckling became laughter and they encountered themselves laying on the grass again. Achilles put one hand over his forehead, closing his eyes and Patroclus put his own on his belly, looking at the leaves above them.

“Tell me about another one of your books?”

Patroclus looked at Achilles and met his eyes, looking at him with joy. He nodded and bit his lower lip, looking at the leaves again.

Were there ever life without that kind of happiness?

 

//

 

Briseis had her hands over her mouth as Patroclus could swear her eyes became laser beams from how much they shone in his direction.

“Why are you like this…? We only kissed.”

“Yeah! But, like…!” she tried to express her emotions and laughed in the process. She reached for his shoulders and shook him a bit “I’m just so happy for you, Pat!” she put her hands on the bookstore counter and jumped in the same place a few times.

“You’re starting to sound like mom.” He teased and Briseis put her elbows on the counter and rested her chin on her hands, smiling in his direction. The teal scarf bringing out those beautiful blue eyes.

“Can’t I be happy for my best friend?”

Patroclus chuckled and got up from the chair, deciding on take a break from updating the store’s stock. It was middle of semester so there wasn’t a lot of movement in the store lately; meaning Patroclus could sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee.

“Do you want coffee? My parents bought a coffee maker and now we have coffee in here!” he opened his arms, approaching the machine and Briseis followed him, sitting at one of the four tables there were there.

 

Briseis stayed until she finished the coffee, having to go home to do some chores before heading to work. Patroclus had to help one customer that came in, but then sat down and finished the task from before.

He looked at the clock and sighed, seeing the hour. He was alone in the store, because his mother had to take the day off to go to a medical appointment and Patroclus decided that he would close the store an hour earlier so he could catch an emptier bus to college instead of the crowded one during rush hours.

He turned the sign on the door, warning they were closed, and went behind the counter to gather his things. A tap on the glass made him look up.

Achilles stood outside with pink cheeks and a high ponytail, making his face look longer. Patroclus walked to the door and opened, giving the other a shy smile.

“Hi.” Achilles began, but stopped. Patroclus noticed he was fidgeting with the water bottle in his hand. The blonde took off the other earphone, leaving them hanging on his neck.

“Hi.” Patroclus answered and leaned his head against the doorframe “Would you like to enter? Do you need anything?”

Achilles crossed his arms and smiled more at ease, clearly biting the inside of his mouth. Patroclus leaned and chuckled, kissing the boy’s cheek and leaned away, looking at him.

The blonde let out a nervous laughter and let the dumbest smile appear on his face.

“I was passing by and saw you inside. Came just to say hi.” He waved a hand, awkwardly and Patroclus nodded, crossing his arms in a similar manner as the blonde, “I know you’re closing, I just wanted to say hi.”

Patroclus relaxed his arms and nodded, deciding on trying to relax the rest of his body, the rest of his existence. He noticed Achilles’ was on a training attire and thought that he might’ve been at the gym.

“I need to catch the bus.” He commented, “I have classes today, so I’m closing earlier.”

Achilles nodded and squeezed the water bottle in his hands, changing the weight on his feet. Patroclus kept his eyes on the other and, after a while in silence, chuckled.

“C’mon in. I just have to finish somethings inside.” He motioned with his hand and Achilles happily obliged, stepping in.

“Can I help you with anything?” he tried, putting the water bottle on the counter and Patroclus walked to behind it and came back with a long piece of metal with a hook on one end, and handed it to Achilles.

“Pull the metal door while I close the back.” He smiled and Achilles nodded.

After each had finished their tasks – Patroclus remembered the back was already locked and turned to the front door just in time to see Achilles’ muscles when he pulled the door down – they encountered at the counter. The blonde watched as the other gathered his things and offered to carry one of his heaviest books.

“Don’t worry.” He smiled; walking outside with the other “Maybe if I carry them, I can have…” he felt his cheeks go hot “Have those.” He pointed with his nose and closed the door.

Achilles looked at his own arms and then at Patroclus, chuckling but with his ears gone red.

“Do you always go to the gym at this hour?” the brunette asked as they walked down the street. Achilles shrugged, eyes focused on the ground.

“When I don’t have any other options. I like to go after breakfast.” He scratched his nape “It’s when there’s less people so you can work out in peace.” Patroclus nodded and adjusted the bag strap on his chest.

They kept talking during the walk. Patroclus noticed that Achilles’ ponytail bounced when he walked and tried his best to dodge Achilles’ offering to carry his books to the bus stop.

Patroclus stopped and kept talking to Achilles, keeping an eye to whenever his bus would turn the corner. He couldn’t understand the harmony they had as they changed topics with fluidity and laughed, delighting themselves in each other’s laugh and beauty.

Achilles let a chuckle scape when they stopped talking about the violin classes Patroclus had when he was a child. He looked at Patroclus and, then, glanced to the sign above his head. He was giddy, feeling light and anxious by just stand near the other, even at a bus stop, as if the night before didn’t have happened.

He shuffled his feet a bit and bit his lower lip as his heart beat too fast. He squeezed the water bottle and tried to feel if his left arm gave any pain indication. He would need to stop seeing Patroclus if that meant avoiding a heart attack. Which meant he would definitely die of cardiac arrest.

Achilles looked up, just to glance at the other boy, to catch the final image that day could provide to him. But was taken aback when the other was closer than before. He couldn’t see the red spreading on his cheeks as the sky finished turning dark blue and the cars passed by. But he felt the warmth that emanated from the other as their lips touched in a gentle kiss.

He closed his eyes, responding to the press of lips and gathered his courage. Achilles raised his hands and touched Patroclus’ face, holding him in place as he enjoyed the sensation of marvellous lips on his.

They parted and he pulled his hands back, afraid the other wouldn’t like it. He looked at Patroclus face and saw the shy smile on his lips as his eyes focused on distance.

Suddenly, many people started to move and Patroclus gasped in a whisper.

“That’s me! I have to go now.” He smiled at Achilles and hugged his neck with his free arm, squeezing the blonde boy. He leaned back and smiled, looking at the golden green eyes “I’ll see you soon, ok?” his smile blinding.

Achilles nodded, noticing that his own hands found place at Patroclus’ waist. The brunette kissed him one more time and giggled as their noses bumped and he walked to the bus.

Patroclus felt as if he had skipped just like his heart was doing. His stomach turned in a weird sensation that spread on his belly and he sat down, putting the book on his lap and his face on his hands.

The smile that spread on his lips was the same that took over on Achilles’ ones.

Achilles put his hands over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to contain all the happiness inside him. He looked around and ignored the people that looked at him as if he had two heads; he located himself, put his earphones on and, before pressing play on the music, he texted Menelaus.

_> remember when i said that every party happened something bad?_

_> >yeah why??? did something happen???_

_> yeah i fell in love_

_> >wTF aChillES_

That joy made him feel infinite.

 

//

 

Those sleepless warm nights, with the city always present outside the window, granted the piece needed.

A walk, a simple walk to the beach, would be worth just by the sound of the waves, just for the smell of the salty water, just because their hands would touch over the sand.

The stars, witnesses to so much in too many life times, would always be there when the first synchronized love happened.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Who else loves happy endings?!!  
> I finished this last part and I couldn't believe that I was done with my patrochilles series I wanted to do for so long!  
> At first, it was meant to be more like how each of them would help each other learn how to socialize and find happiness but things don't quite work out the way we want BUT THEY KINDA DO  
> I'm really gratefull for the kudos and comments <3  
> Thank you guys so much and please, take a look at my tumblr (baratriesalot) to see a small patrochilles piece I wrote! It was like 800 words and really random, so I thought it wouldn't make sense to post it here. If you guys want me to write anything, send an ask in there! Don't be shy!  
> Thank you all, again, for reading!


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